The Gentleness of Jesus

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30)

Gentleness Gives Others Rest

Jesus describes himself as “gentle and humble in heart.” I have to ask myself, “Do I identify with this?” So much of the imagery I grew up with was of the ideal man being gruff, stoic, and tough. These images came from many movies, TV shows, and even the relationships in my family I idealized. So often, strength and manliness were associated with toughness, roughness, and gruffness. Ironically, the word used to address men formally in a group is “gentlemen.” And yet, am I known as a “gentle man?” Is that what I want to identify with?

Gentleness is the way to give those around me rest. Clearly, this scripture connects humility with gentleness. There are times where I’ve been lacking in gentleness and in all the cases I can remember, pride was an element in my harshness. I have been blessed with amazing children, an eight-year-old son and thirteen-year-old girl. God has given me such a special and wonderful wife in Amy. It is sobering to reflect that these beautiful gifts from God are too often the targets of my lack of gentleness.

Gentleness Does Not Need To Be In Control

The internet is a very dangerous place spiritually as sin is a mere “click” away. In this era of information and the situations brought on by the COVID-19 pandemic, it’s especially dangerous for our children. I remember when I discovered that my daughter had a “boyfriend” in an online movie-making game that was pitched as “for kids.” I was so harsh about it. Looking back, I can see the issue was pride. I wanted to be in control. “How could my daughter do this kind of thing? I know that I taught her better and told her so!” I was so worked-up and disappointed, I shut down her ability to really talk about what had happened in her heart.

It was, and is, incredibly proud of me to think like this. Of course, she’s going to do things like this – the Lord knows I did much, much, worse at her age! When I want to be in control of a relationship or someone else’s behavior, I am going to be harsh. When I want to be in control of my circumstances and/or a situation, I am going to lack gentleness. If I am going to be gentle, then I need to let God be in control and humbly submit to the fact that I am not. The solution is not me being “in control” of something or someone. The solution is surrendering to the presence of God, and this will lead to gentleness.

Gentleness Is Not Anxious About Anything

“Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:4-7)
When there is pressure and I respond with anxiety, I know I’ve forgotten that “The Lord is near.” There is always the Lord to rejoice in. It sounds so patronizing “on the surface”, but considering that the apostle wrote it twice…makes it clear that God really wants us to “rejoice in the Lord always.” When the Holy Spirit says something twice I need to listen carefully. God does not patronize me – only my pride would tell me that! When I train my heart to “rejoice in the Lord always” I will be gentle…and it will be evident!

Gentleness Refuses To Stay A Victim

The human experience has a lot of pain in it. Satan works in and through the evil desires of people and they submit themselves to sin. When anyone submits themselves to sin, they damage others – sometimes unspeakably. I know in my sin I used people for my own idolatrous comfort. I certainly was not gentle in my heart although I may have seemed so “on the surface.” I’ve been in abusive situations myself. The temptation for anyone who has been used or abused by someone in their sin is to live life perpetually as a victim. We can allow others’ sins against us to define us and how we respond to the world.

Sometimes what happens to us is a means of God’s discipline and we suffer a tragedy, illness, loss, death, or situation that is painful. When undergoing such trials the temptation I have had is to be angry at God or at least bewildered. When our son was born, he had a dangerous blood condition. We had to sign waivers so that they could do a blood transfusion to save his life. It was so hard seeing his limp little jaundiced body with the Gavage feeding tube in his nose and the needles in his arm and head. The temptation was for me to give in to my feelings of frustration, fear, and anxiety. These all were understandable, but giving in to them, being the victim, would not do anything well. I had to take them to God, in humility, and surrender.

Gentleness Always Forgives

People we truly forgive no longer have power over us. The wounds they put into us with their sins cannot hold fast because we’ve let it go. One of the ways God helped me grow in my gentleness was forgiving my physical father for abandoning me. It was so hard for me to even admit there was an issue! I did not want to face the wounds and scars in my heart nor deal with the way they affected my view of God and others. I felt ashamed and unwanted like I was dirty or defective. This drove me to a performance mindset…I wanted to be good enough, smart enough, athletic enough – basically “enough” to be “wanted.”

I had not faced what my physical father had done and so I had not fully healed. When I finally did, due to the patient prodding of brothers in the church, it changed my view of God fundamentally. “You will go on before the Lord to prepare the way for him, to give his people the knowledge of salvation through the forgiveness of their sins, because of the tender mercy of our God, by which the rising sun will come to us from heaven” (Luke 1:76-78) Forgiveness is tender. It’s gentle. God is forgiving. God is gentle. When I chose to be forgiving because he forgave me, I was able to forgive my father and meet him.

Gentleness Always Surrenders

“Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” (Philippians 4:5-6) If I am going to be gentle…I cannot stay anxious. When I struggle with being anxious – about ANYTHING – I need to take it to God immediately and surrender. This is often where I fall down. I may have the wherewithal to “control myself” and “act” gently, but I actually want to be “gentle and humble in heart!” Gentleness knows it can’t control anything except itself. A “gentleman” will make their first response “prayer and petition, with thanksgiving.” I pray to be that kind of “gentleman.”

How do I respond to “every situation?” Is there a situation that I would permit myself to respond to without surrender and so I would throw out gentleness? Perhaps something someone would say or do or a situation that seems insurmountable…would I exact vengeance or justify giving in to anxiety and anger? The tough “day-to-day” thing for me is disrespect and/or mistrust. When I am disrespected or feel mistrusted…it hurts a lot. I could become a victim, embittered by other’s sins and my difficult situation…then I lash out and justify doing so because of my pain. There is no gentleness in that! I just need to surrender and follow in the footsteps of Jesus!

Gentleness Always Serves

We have established that Jesus identified himself as “gentle and humble in heart.” There is no king, no leader, no minister, better at serving than Jesus. He taught that “the greatest among you will be your servant!” (Matthew 23:11) The prophet Zechariah described Jesus as “gentle” and his words were pointed out as Jesus rode a donkey into Jerusalem and the people cried out “Hosannah!”

“Say to Daughter Zion, ‘See, your king comes to you, gentle and riding on a donkey, and on a colt, the foal of a donkey.’” (Matthew 21:5)

Jesus identified with being “gentle and humble in heart” and this was exemplified by him “making himself nothing, taking on the very nature of a servant.” (Philippians 2:7). The Creator of the universe, the King of Kings and Lord of Lords made himself “nothing.” This is so “mind-blowingly” humble it is almost impossible for me to grasp. The more I think about this, the more I am in awe of Jesus. The humility it takes in my heart to be anything like Jesus and “make [myself] nothing” is overwhelming. I need to take it to God and then I need to deny myself and decide to be like Jesus and serve.

Closing Thoughts On Gentleness

1. Gentleness Always Forgives – Is there anyone I’ve not forgiven? Is there bitterness in my heart I’m unwilling to admit? Am I “frozen” as a “victim” or have I truly “let it go?”
2. Gentleness Always Surrenders – Is there a situation or infirmity that I allow myself to be embittered by? Am I in a circumstance where I feel entitled because I am less “fortunate” or “not blessed in the same way” as those around me?
3. Gentleness Does Not Need To Be In Control – do I have a hard time submitting to leadership and/or my spouses’ lead/needs? What about my spouse or kids causes me the most angst? Am I trying to control something that really, I have no control over? Do I feel anxious about something right now?
4. Gentleness Always Serves – Is there anything I am unwilling to do or to give up, for Jesus? Am I a gentle servant or do I do so begrudgingly? Am I burdened (or even embittered) by the call to serve or am I encouraged to lay my life down?
5. Gentleness Gives Others Rest – can people come to me and know that the presence of God in me will create a safe place for them?

This is the first in a series of quiet times for the month of December written by the leadership of the Phoenix International Christian church with the help of some of the brothers and sisters from the Tucson International Christian Church.  You can download the PDF of the whole series here: 2020 Holiday Quiet Times