Nelson Brown Playing his Electric Guitar
When you think about Jesus, who do you imagine? I can imagine the man who proved his Lordship by walking on water and calming the raging storm. Think of the divine wisdom Jesus had to respond to those who were looking to trap him in his words. Imagine the boldness of the man who publicly rebuked the Pharisees. I can imagine his supernatural resurrection. The mastery over death. I can also imagine his love and how great of a servant he was – even going so far as to wash the feet of the disciples, and ultimately his willingness to suffer and die for the sake of us – for the sake of me.
However, when I think about Jesus, my heart does not naturally connect with his vulnerability and reverent submission to God. The man who demonstrated his power over nature, ability to perform miracles, divine wisdom, and ultimately, selfless love, still needed to gain his strength from his personal relationship with God.
1. Vulnerability in Prayer
Hebrews 5:7
During the days of Jesus’ life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions with loud cries and tears to the one who could save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverent submission.
Jesus prayed to God with loud cries and tears. It is personally difficult for me to imagine Jesus in this state – a state of total reliance on God. Jesus – the Lord of the universe – needed to humble himself before God in this way?
Jesus’ example was to pray to God and be completely surrendered to his will. Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.” Matthew 26:39. We know that at this time Jesus prayed so that his sweat became as “drops of blood” (Luke 22:44). This was not an easy time for Jesus, as he was in anguish.
Personal Struggles
The issue is, that in imitating Jesus, I am not having Matthew 26 prayers. Therefore, I’m expecting myself to have the strength to take up my cross like Jesus, without having the prayer life that Jesus had. And then when I get spiritually tired, I get frustrated and feel “confused” as to why I’m struggling to pick up my cross. Jesus gained the strength that he needed to carry his cross through reverent, submissive prayer. If I want to carry my cross daily, I must also gain strength from God through reverent, submissive prayer.
In my personal prayer life, I can’t say that I have done my best to imitate Jesus like this. I struggle with self-reliance – a desire to get things done and live life as a follower of Christ on my own strength. I can struggle with insecurity in my heart – an internal feeling that if I haven’t done everything I can on my own strength first, who am I to approach God to ask for help? The name of this sin is pride.
Thinking that it’s up to me to be righteous to be able to approach God leaves little room for his mercy. I can feel ashamed when I go to pray because I know my heart is struggling with ungodly things such as criticality, entitlement, resentment, arrogance. These heart sins usually come as byproducts of the cost of being a disciple, which is to carry my cross (die to myself) daily and are willing to give up everything (Luke 14:25-33). I feel shame because I know that as a disciple, I should have gone to God, to begin with, and because of my self-reliance, now I’m struggling even more. It is a constant loop of pride, self-reliance, and ultimately it is a lack of surrendering to God’s will above my own. In my heart, I can want to prove that I am “good enough” before I pray. However, this is unbiblical.
Jesus Understands
Hebrews 4:15-16
15For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are–yet was without sin. 16Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.
Something that helps me to have more reverent, submissive prayers, is to realize that God is completely sympathetic with me through Jesus. Jesus experienced temptations in every way. God is not critical of me when I approach him in prayer. He loves me as his son. We can approach him confidently and find mercy and grace. I only need to admit that I need it (v.16). Am I willing to be submissive and humble before God in my spirit, to receive the mercy and grace that God wants to have on me?
Psalm 34:17-18
The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Ultimately if I want to live the life that God is calling me to live, I must be ok with being brokenhearted and having a crushed spirit in prayer with God. The Bible says that God is close to the brokenhearted – this should squash any reservation to “put myself out there” with loud cries and tears before God. This is what Jesus did – and Jesus is who I want to follow.
2. Vulnerability in Openness
Another aspect of Jesus to be imitated is not only his vulnerability through prayer but also his vulnerability through openness with fellow man. If Jesus did it, then we should too
Matthew 26:36-38
Then Jesus went with his disciples to a place called Gethsemane, and he said
to them, “Sit here while I go over there and pray.” He took Peter and the two sons of Zebedee along with him, and he began to be sorrowful and troubled. Then he said to them, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.”
Human though he was, he was willing to share with his closest friends what he was feeling and going through. For Jesus to humble himself before them, so as to let them know his weakness, is baffling. My sinful nature does not agree with this. The Lord of all still was willing to share his weaknesses not only before God but also before men. It is vital to be willing to share sins and weaknesses with people in our lives, just like Jesus did. It is Christ-like to share our burdens with others, and allow others to love us.
If I had to pick a group of people in the Scriptures I can relate to the most, it would be the Pharisees. I can struggle with religious pride. Finding value in knowing scriptures, comparing myself to others, and in my heart being afraid of being exposed or being considered weak in an area. Ironically, this is a weakness in itself – the weakness of pride.
Confessing my weaknesses and sins is not something that comes naturally to me. Any hesitation in being open about my heart and life is rooted in pride and the same fears I feel toward God. I am grateful for disciples in my life who care enough to listen to my weaknesses and problems, for the sake of helping me be more like Christ. What is the point of sharing these things with others? So that we (collectively) can pray. It is vital to be open, but even more vital to pray as well so that I can be healed. Oftentimes I can find myself being open with others to appease my conscience, but not deeply wrestling with God as well through prayer.
James 5:13-16
Is any one of you in trouble? He should pray. Is anyone happy? Let him sing songs of praise. Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord. 15And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up. If he has sinned, he will be forgiven. Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.
The heart of vulnerability is something I want to continue to strive to imitate – in my prayer life with God (a willingness to be reverent and submissive before the cross, crucifying my pride by admitting I need mercy), and also with openness to others (being willing to confess sins, thoughts, attitudes, weaknesses, opening myself to discipling from others to be more like Christ).
Questions for Self-Reflection:
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- How is my prayer life?
- How long do I usually pray for?
- Do I feel ashamed when I pray to God?
- When was the last time I cried during my prayers?
- Am I afraid to be open with other disciples about my thoughts/attitudes?
- Is there anything I haven’t confessed or been open about?
This “Holiday Quiet Times” series was written for the month of December 2020. Brothers and sisters from the Phoenix and Tucson churches contributed these various daily devotionals. You can download the PDF packet here: “2020 Holiday Quiet Times.“
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