Self Denial By, Mike Sibley

What is Self-Denial?

Luke 9:23 Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.”
What does it mean to deny yourself? It means to forget oneself; lose sight of oneself and one’s own interests; to disregard his own interests or to prove false to himself; act entirely unlike himself.

Personally, there are two aspects of self-denial that I am going after: denial of emotional comforts and denying myself in relationships with brothers and sisters.

Denying myself is not something that I naturally do.  Naturally, I act very selfishly and self-centered. I am not familiar with expressing my emotions in a healthy, spiritual manner.
That’s the complete opposite of how Jesus lived.  Most times, I try to follow Jesus without first denying myself and taking up my cross daily.

Jesus is the Example of Self-Denial

Read Matthew 26:36-46
Context: Jesus is in the Garden of Gethsemane with his disciples right before he is about to be taken captive and go through the most brutal and tragic death on the cross. He began to be overwhelmed with his emotions because he knew exactly what he was about to go through for us.
v.36-38 36 Then Jesus went with his disciples to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to them, “Sit here while I go over there and pray.” 37 He took Peter and the two sons of Zebedee along with him, and he began to be sorrowful and troubled. 38 Then he said to them, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.”

Jesus was a great example of someone who handled his emotions in a spiritual way. Which is something I can struggle with a lot. Jesus was overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Unlike me, Jesus was very transparent and vulnerable about the emotions he was feeling at the time instead of drawing back from people. When I start feeling a lot emotionally, my immediate reaction is to withdraw from everything and everyone around me. This makes me shut down emotionally. I am learning to deny my sinful nature of withdrawal from people when I am hurting. Instead, I will share my heart with brutal honesty to the people in my life. . So I can allow them to be there for me.

CHALLENGE: Allow the other disciples in my life to be there for me by sharing my thoughts and feelings when I am feeling overwhelmed.
PRACTICAL: Pray with different brothers throughout the week.

What does that mean for me?

39 Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.” 40 Then he returned to his disciples and found them sleeping. “Couldn’t you men keep watch with me for one hour?” he asked Peter. 41 “Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.”42 He went away a second time and prayed, “My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done.”
43 When he came back, he again found them sleeping, because their eyes were heavy. 44 So he left them and went away once more and prayed the third time, saying the same thing. 45 Then he returned to the disciples and said to them, “Are you still sleeping and resting? Look, the hour has come, and the Son of Man is delivered into the hands of sinners. 46 Rise! Let us go! Here comes my betrayer!”

Like Jesus at this moment, my feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and depression overwhelm me to the point that I do not want to take care of my responsibilities or do the will of God. Jesus knew that it was God’s will for him to be crucified but he was struggling with his emotions. In his flesh, he did not want to go through with it. But his Father’s will was more important than his own will. Sometimes I feel so much, emotionally that I tune out God’s will. Some days I just want to “take the day off” as a disciple and just dwell in my emotions. Jesus overcame his emotions because he surrendered himself to God in prayer. And I will do the same.

PRACTICAL #1: Go on a prayer walk!
PRACTICAL #2: Write a journal expressing my emotions.

My Battle for Self-Denial

Matthew 27:34 There they offered Jesus wine to drink, mixed with gall; but after tasting it, he refused to drink it.
At this point in time, Jesus had endured a lot of pain and suffering physically. That led to mental and emotional trauma. He refused a drink that would ease the pain.  He allowed himself to feel everything no matter how painful it was.

I can relate to feeling a lot emotionally. God has given me a big heart with the capacity to love deeply but also a capacity to feel a lot emotionally. In the past, when I was feeling a lot emotionally, I would turn to alcohol or immorality to ease my pain and suffering. However, these were only temporary solutions. This led to me running from my pain and suffering because I did not like dealing with my emotional struggles. Even after giving up these “pain relievers,” I turned to isolation as a defense mechanism. This pushed people away so that I did not have to be vulnerable with them.

I realized how unhealthy this was and how it was just as bad as turning to drunkenness and immorality. I learned that it is okay for me to feel a lot emotionally but it is not okay for me to hide my emotions or turn to things other than God. Embracing my emotions and suffering, like Jesus, has helped me to see my need and total dependence on God. Without the struggles or challenges that I face with my emotions, I would not be as close to God as I am. It is still a daily struggle to cast all the burden of my emotions on God but that where self-denial comes in. Embracing my emotions and denying myself is the best way for me to connect with God on a deeper level.
Practical: Pray through all of my feelings, emotions, and thoughts.

Thank you for reading

This “Holiday Quiet Times” series was written for the month of December 2020. Brothers and sisters from the Phoenix and Tucson churches contributed these various daily devotionals. You can download the PDF packet here: “2020 Holiday Quiet Times.“